I guess now I have something not-so jolly to write about. It's Friday. I'm up at 08:00. I would like to think it's my debilitating shoulder pain that's keeping me up. I can't drive with my right, lift anything, or do literally anything at Tempest (gym). Sleeping is uncomfortable. But, the thought that keeps me awake at night isn't about my shoulder. It's about my work. On Monday I came in to work and read our performance evaluations and found out that my boss has been seeing my work very negatively.
My manager and I had four meetings this week to discuss this. All that I've gotten from him was that his tone was overly negative and some of the numbers he sighted weren't accurate. But he keeps telling me he can't do anything about it now. It's done. We've both e-mailed HR about this and I'm meeting with his boss next week. It's so frustrating.
Probably the most frustrating thing is that I was already pretty much on the way out from under him already because he had the brilliant idea to break up our team. Now I have been considering staying with a team under my manager because it's familiar... but not anymore. Him and I have been coworkers for 3.5 years. I saw him rise to team lead and then manager. And I saw him go from being a good developer, to a beginner manager to a self-righteous crusader who pulls opinions out of his butt when he needs to support his hypothesis.
The caveat here is that it's my performance review that the next manager is going to see. And up until Monday my reviews have been very good. He's slapping on a final "fuck you..." right before I transfer out. So that's been keeping me up at nights.
In the mornings I've been waking up.. reluctantly going to work. Then back home and watching TV. No, I don't feel defeated or anything. I'm just stressed. And this is the stupid kind of stress. The kind that just messes with you. There's no benefit to me being stressed. Cards will fall where they may and I will go as far as I can to get my record clean again.
It's hard to focus my thoughts right now. I think there are things I would like to discuss. Like I saw my ex's car at the grocery store yesterday. Or that I got too busy to message women. Or that my second date on Monday went nowhere fast. Or that it's been a gift-exchange week. Alex L got me my shot glasses, I got him a chemistry blanket, Tanya bought me a camera for my birthday and Rui asked for a Peruvian blanket as her Christmas present. Friends and family.
This Sunday I was going to drive down about 01:30 to meet a girl from OkCupid but it's mothers day and my sisters want to get together. I guess I need to change my plans. I also want to go on another hike same day. I didn't like getting destroyed last week. Wednesday was the first day I could walk upstairs without pain. Ouchie. Out of shape.
It's been 30 minutes. I should start the day. The sooner I start it the sooner it will be over. And I already want it to be over.
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