Mistakes

Dear diary. I feel sick. I drank, smoked a cigar, went to bed late and it's just too much. It's mostly passed now. But I'm not a happy camper. I didn't think I would be, but I should have been a little better.

So, today wasn't that eventful. I worked harder than I should have and then I played harder than I should have. There was a talk on WarCraft the movie I wanted to attend. I didn't. There was a business meeting I was in instead. Then I wanted to get lunch, but I worked too hard. I missed lunch. I loaded up on power bars instead. I went to the Project Euler meeting and I even knew someone was coming. But I missed them. That's a shame. So I worked hard, more.

When it came time for soccer I went to a meeting instead. When the meeting was cancelled I was a little sad. I've made all this effort to be ready. And now it didn't matter. So I moved along and went to play. We played a lot. I should have left a lot sooner. I ended up ripping the skin inside the blister that I cut the skin off on Tuesday. I hate it when they're double deep. It takes so long to heal. I still don't have medical tape. I covered up with a tiny bandage and went back to work... and worked hard again.

I stayed at work late. It's Jake's birthday. I decided to go directly there and I didn't want to be too early. At 20:32 I was the first one to show up. Still took people some time to fill up the room. I got bored because it was mostly Jake's ex coworkers. I wasn't in with that crowd. I drank a bunch while waiting for cool people. Then I drank some more. I don't know what was making me sad. Maybe it was my lonely life, or the car break-in yesterday, or seeing couples everywhere. Or maybe it was the stupid cancer stories I've listening to on one of my podcasts. I couldn't contain tears this morning because it was like cancer story after cancer story. Fuck you, Moth.

Anyway, I went outside and had a cigar with a Jeremiah. I haven't had a cigar since freshman year in college. Or maybe it was sophomore year. Jake's father sent him a box-full for his birthday. So I decided to have one. Big mistake. I got so sick. I got dizzy and couldn't stand. Not enough oxygen. I sat in the bathroom until someone needed to use it. Then I sat in the bedroom. Just such a crummy feeling. It was so hard to get up. Eventually Tyler got me some water. Jake got me a pie and Rachel (I think that's her name) played guitar and sang. I think two hours passed. Around 01:36 I was able to walk around okay again and I went home. I've been sober. But I was tired and still a little light-headed.

I woke up an hour ago. Drank water. Finally washed the nasty smell off my hands. It will be another decade before I smoke again. Hopefully more. Blegh! I tried to add people I remember from the party on Facebook. There's not enough. I'm already friends with everyone I talked to except Rachel. Can't find her. Who knows why. I'll try going to sleep again. it's 05:27. Goodnight.