Entry 2015-04-07

There's something about the symmetry of number 4 and 7 that made me think today was the day to start blogging again. I was laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep. Watching YouTube videos when I a video by ViHart on logarithms came up. So I watched it. I tried not to watch anything that would make me more awake, but ... it was just so tempting. After it I got up and sat on the computer for a couple more hours. I only managed to go to bed at 04:00. Yes. I'm suffering from insomnia.

Which brings to me to why I'm keeping a diary again. I need therapy and writing is therapeutic. The clues that I need it are all too loud: I started skipping small talk on dates and just talk about issues. I started admitting to coaches at the gym that I need a life coach. Secretly, I still just think I can pull my shit together. And this is another attempt at doing so.

For posterity, I think it's fair to quickly sum-up what's happened since the last time I kept a diary. On log-scale, of course: in increasing detail. So...

 - 2011-04 Went through a traumatic break-up.
 - 2011-10 Started dating Krystle
 - 2012-05 Moved in with her.
 - 2012-06 We broke up
 - 2012-10 Moved out and into my condo
 - 2013-01 Started my job at Umbrella Corp
 - 2013-08 Moved closer to Umbrella Corp
 - 2013-09 Started seeing Katie
 - 2013-11 Stopped seeing Katie and started seeing Cate
 - 2013-12 Officially became a couple with Cate
 - 2015-12 Agreed that thing with Cate wasn't working out
 - 2016-01 Started seeing a physical therapist
 - 2016-01 Officially became single
 - 2016-01-14 Went snowboarding for a couple days
 - 2016-01-17 Started losing sleep
 - 2016-02-13 Insomnia set in
 - 2016-02-14 Saw Cate for the last time
 - 2016-02-21 Flew to Bay Area for a few days.
 - 2016-03-04 Flew to Seattle for a few days
 - 2016-03 Turned 29. Ate cake.
 - 2016-04-05 Took the day off work to go to a Museum and try to catch up on sleep
 - 2016-04-06 Did my dad's and my own taxes. Ate cake.

That's about all you/I need to know for context. Since I started work at umbrella corp I'm struggling to keep active. During stressful times like right now I need to consume a lot of glucose just to power the brain machine up in my head. The problem is of course that I don't expend other things I consume. It's not for the lack of trying. I just keep hurting myself at the gym. A lot. I spend the weekend nights not sleeping mostly due to pain. Usually it's just random thoughts that keep me up. But over the weekend it was pain. Ordinary pain. And nothing's broken.. it's just muscle and joint pain. Over... and over again. It's perpetuated by the fact that I eat sugary things so I don't have get headaches at work. Then I feel like I *NEED* to work out. I can't sleep if I don't. I feel all jittery. And I can't sleep two nights after that if I do, because I'm in pain.

Tonight is a gym night. I was there two days ago, too. I took it easy. I made a goal of trying to do cardio. Jump on the trampoline. Walk here and there. Not use weights more than 5 kilo in the weight area. We'll see if that helps. I'm going snowboarding this weekend so I'm being paranoid that I will be too injured to ride down....

This is the part I dislike: ending the entry. I still have so much more to say, but I should be at work in 30.

Note to self: talks about dating life!
 - Victoria
 - Elleh
 - Sara (Crazy downtown)
 - Bonnie
 - Miranda
 - Sarah
 - Gabby
 - Mariya
 - Katie
 - Ilona